Interview Feature
From alcoholism to sobriety: the journey of three inspiring individuals
You feel slightly tipsy, giddy almost. Someone calls your name. You turn your head a bit too fast and feel the rush of being light-headed. A cold drink leaves condensation on your hands; it’s refreshing on your skin and down your throat because you feel warm. The drink burns in your chest, but you wander to the table for another one anyways.
Your cheeks are red in the mirror and a huge smile is plastered on your face. You giggle with your friends and most importantly, you make new ones. All the thoughts, fears, and worries of earlier that day are left behind as you take each sip. The come down is tough the next morning and you feel queasy, but with food in your stomach and sleep in your system you eventually go back to your regular schedule. Well, some of us do.
In the thick of alcoholism
Alcohol Abuse Disorder starts for a variety of reasons and can tear down a person’s life in many, if not all, aspects. Alcoholism is a vicious beast that affects the person drinking and those around them. In 2019 alone, a shocking 14.5 million people aged 12 and younger were affected by it.
Jeffrey Buxton is one of these people. On a normal day he rolls out of bed early in the morning, packs a hardy lunch, and puts ice in his Yeti water bottle full of Gatorade. He then gets in a big, grey truck and rumbles to a construction site somewhere near Brainerd, Minn. After work he heads home for a dinner made by his wife and will spend the rest of the night watching shows like Gold Rush or Deadliest Catch.
Life wasn’t always this way though. More than 20 years ago, he was drinking all day, every day. Either that, or he was passed out somewhere, at his house or a friends. He didn’t just do it for the buzz. He did it, he told me over the crackling phone, because “it’s just easy. I didn’t have to deal with anything. When you’re drunk you don’t care or have to deal with the issues at hand.”
Jeffrey Buxton during his drinking days, a customary beer in his hand.
He learned to relish the feeling of weightlessness that came with setting all of life’s worries on the back burner. Now, he reflects on that time and realizes that the more he grew to depend on alcohol to momentarily solve his problems, the more his body craved it. He needed to forget life because, as he said bluntly, he just “wasn’t happy with any of it at the time.”
“You don’t feel very good ever, you think you do but you don’t,” he cautioned. He wasn’t the only one that was affect by his drinking though, as is normally the case when alcoholism is involved. His relationships became unstable, especially the ones with his parents. They no longer got along and fought over things such as money because, as Buxton explained, “every penny I made went to drinking and then some.”
In a different world many miles away, Lori Marshall was battling the same problem in her own ways. She worked at In Touch, a funky store on Ducal Street, Key West’s main drag. Here, the owner was a personal friend and they helped customers, gossiped, and drank all day. On break, they’d stroll over to one of the many bars that lined Duval and the surrounding streets. Then, they’d return to the store, drink some more, and she’d pack her things to go drink at home.
“It made you feel up and easy to talk to people, I thought it gave me, you know, self-confidence,” she stated when explaining her work situation. She also drank simply because she could. From then on, Marshall found herself trapped in a vicious cycle as “the buzz wears off, so you drink so you don’t get sick and then you get the buzz back.”
This cycle sucked her in and refused to let her go. She began drinking behind people’s backs and hiding bottles around the apartment so her husband wouldn’t find them. She put on a mask and went to Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meetings, got a sponsor, and became involved. However, she was still drinking and would drink before meetings and after.
Her life began to tip out of balance. She struggled with anxiety and had a pit in her stomach every day. “I felt I had let everyone down,” she said. “You hit your bottom because you don’t love yourself anymore and you don’t have any respect for yourself.” She was drinking to maintain and to avoid the shakes. Her work life suffered as she was placed on probation for the only time in her life. She tried to deny it because she didn’t want to stop. At the time she felt she couldn’t stop.
Ryan Miles drank for different reasons. He’s always been a social man, sparking a conversation with just about anyone in practically any situation. He had the ease that many envied. When it came to drinking, he was good at that too, he “excelled at it.”
A perfect capture of Ryan Miles’ laid back demeanor and the beer that helped him to be that way.
When he was drinking, Miles was the life of the party in his hometown of Brainerd, Minn. and people enjoyed being around him because of it. He always knew what to do and when to do it to keep the night going strong. “I think that kinda just catapulted into doing it not for recreation but because I needed to, physically or mentally.”
Coming from an unusual home life where he began drinking at 11 years old, he was no rookie to the buzz. Instead, he said, “I chased an altered state of reality for a long time, whether it was alcohol or other drugs, I always strived to have that perception of not through my eyes.”
It wasn’t all fun and games for the happy-go-lucky partier though. He noted that it was frustrating because he didn’t have control over anything, the alcohol took that from him. He tried to stop drinking multiple times, but it never stuck.
His work never suffered, but his most important relationship did. His girlfriend, and eventually their newborn baby, were his life, but he found it difficult to stay grounded. When speaking of his girlfriend, he said, “she couldn’t depend on me for anything. I’d be there but there were always other priorities.”
The struggle for sobriety
In the wake of years of drinking, there is a time when many people reach their limit. There are different ways people stop drinking such as support groups, sheer will or a blend of treatments and choices. It may not be easy, and the decision can take time, but people stop for the main reason of wanting a different, better life.
Take Lori Marshall for example. The bar stool she sat on was soft, but not the most comfortable. With her face propped up and resting in her palm, Lori Marshall ordered a couple cocktails from the airport bar. Her layover from Atlanta to Key West was just long enough for a few drinks.
Although she had done similar things many trips before, this time it was different. She had just come from Minnesota, where her grandson had turned three but still struggled day after day to live his small, simple life. Marshall recalls that she had tried stopping before for her husband or for her daughters. It wasn’t until her grandson was born into the world fighting for life that she thought to herself, “you know? I wanna see my grandson graduate. I can’t do this anymore.”
At that bar with a wet counter and the customary airport and beer smell, she had her last drink. “In AA lingo they call it a ‘turning point,’” she explained. She had hit a crossroads where she was faced with deciding if she wanted to lose everything or stop drinking and have a better life.
She stated that, aside from her grandson, she quit drinking for herself, her husband and because her daughters were losing trust and respect in her. They loved her unconditionally, but they still refused to allow her to be alone with her grandchildren if she had been drinking.
When she landed in Key West, she chose a better life by going to an AA meeting and picking up the last white chip she has ever taken. For a number of years, she went to two meetings a day. To Marshall, it was clear when she realized “I had to first stop drinking for myself. Then, my higher power took away the obsession.” For her, it was more than just ending addiction but rather a journey of self-discovery, love and stronger spirituality.
This journey was difficult, but the constant faith that her husband, daughters and her Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor had helped her to not give up on herself.
Lori Marshall’s last ever white chip. They use poker chips to symbolize that by drinking they are gambling with their lives.
Another miracle child of sorts also played a hand in Ryan Miles’ realization. His daughter had been born four months earlier and it wasn’t until his girlfriend said he wasn’t allowed around the baby if he kept drinking, that something finally clicked.
Quitting alcohol was something he had been struggling with for a long time and it was, as he recalled, “one of the hardest things I’ve done in my whole life.” His come down was much different, too.
For two weeks, Miles did not leave the house or take calls from anyone. He didn’t even take trips to the store, and he emphasized that he didn’t do much of anything. After some time, he went to AA meetings with a friend who had been sober for a while Here he began to make friends who had similar experiences. This was important to his recovery. “I had to leave my old circle of friends for a while and make new friends that didn’t hang out at the bar or do the things that I didn’t want to do.”
Through it all, he had the support and love of his girlfriend. He lost friends, his so called “bar buddies,” but in turn he gained experiences and friends that he still carries with him today.
On a completely different spectrum, Jeffrey Buxton stated that “once I hit rock bottom, it wasn’t that difficult, really.” Fortunately for him, but maybe not so fortunate sometimes for those closest to him, Buxton is a bull-headed person. He believes that “when I make my mind up it takes a lot to change me.”
He recalls drinking his last beer on his way to work one morning. The buzz was a pleasant and addictive background feeling throughout the day of tough labor. Drinking and driving was something he did frequently, and he realized that he was sick of going to jail and getting tickets for Driving While Intoxicated (DWI). The last time he was ever in jail was for 45 days, and he did not have plans to go back.
Once he decided to stop, he stopped. While he had state-mandated treatment to attend, he had already quit drinking by then.
Aftermath
In the wake of years long struggles for sobriety and stability, some people make it out to the other side. Although nobody is ever completely unscathed.
Rising early for work, Ryan Miles sits at the kitchen table in the warm light of his house. A steaming cup of coffee fills the air with the pleasant aroma of ground coffee beans. He scrolls through his phone with tired, puffy eyes. The peaceful quiet of a normally busy house is a moment that every father cherishes, and moments like these are ones he now gets to enjoy because of the path he’s taken.
He no longer desires alcohol. Although fleeting thoughts cross his mind at times, they are never serious. “I don’t have time for it, honestly,” he remarked. For him, once the need was lifted, the craving went away with it. Now, he fills his time with other things that he loves to do, like his construction work, kayaking, camping, or spending time with the family that he has been able to help raise. He’s realized that he doesn’t regret his past and is firm in his thoughts when he says, “I wouldn’t trade one minute of anything I did for anything because right now I think I am where I want to be.”
He is forever thankful for his journey to being almost 20 years sober, and especially for AA. It had a profound impact on him that helped him to understand that “I will always be an alcoholic, but what AA teaches is how to live with being an alcoholic.”
The craving doesn’t end for everybody, however. “I think about drinking every day, I just won’t do it” Jeffrey Buxton responded when asked if he ever thinks about drinking again. For him, sobriety was a matter of life or death. If he hadn’t stopped drinking, he says with certainty that he would “be dead or in jail for killing somebody while driving [drunk].” Although times were fun, 20 years of sobriety later caused him to realize that now his life is headed in a great direction. One that he feels good about.
Lori Marshall presently enjoying her life in Key West, Florida while being sober for over 11 years.
Marshall found satisfaction in the end of her journey in a much more light hearted way. “What more could I ask for? I don’t have needs, but of course I have lots of wants” she laughed when explaining how she feels about her current situation of being sober for 9 ½ years. Finally, she has eared back the love, respect, and trust of her family, but most importantly for herself. She knows deep in her heart that “If I didn’t have love and respect for myself then I haven’t really gotten ahead of things.”
Becoming sober wasn’t just good for her mental state and family situations, it also strengthened her relationships with others and herself as a whole. She found new friends and a comfort in helping other alcoholics by becoming their sponsors and being an active member of her local AA clubhouse.
There was only one time, after her mother passed away, that the thought ever went through her mind of taking a drink again. Her and her likewise sober brother looked each other in their teary, sad eyes and agreed that “a shot of tequila would be nice right about now.” After that split second, they both shook their heads. They knew that would do nothing but disrespect themselves and their mother. She doesn’t ever think about it now that her life has become all she wanted without it.
As people grow and stumble along the uneven footing of life, there are some who trying to cope and manage in different ways. Alcoholism is something many people struggle with, yet it doesn’t have to be a bad thing forever. As Miles stated “I think I have made great strides but I never forget that it’s the things I did long ago that make me who I am now. I think a lot of people lose that because they tend to forget that it’s things that you do early in life that shape things you do later in life.”
Alcoholics will always be alcoholics, and their journeys will always be unique and harrowing. It’s what they take away from the experience and learn from it that matters. There is hope for everyone, beautifully put by Marshall as she concluded with this advice: “If you feel like you’re an alcoholic, go get help, go to AA, and don’t drink one day at a time.”